Grandma Jane does Fort Worth

Mom came to town and we hit the town. I just want to say how much my kids sure do love grandma! And the fact that they could play with her to give me a break was even better!

I don't actually live in Fort With, I live just South of it in a town called Burleson.  We began mom's vacation at Babe's Chicken House in our little Downton area.  This place seems to be famous around the DFW area and it's sister restaurant is Bubba Cook's Country in Dallas, where I'll never forget getting drive-thru biscuits and gravy! It was fun to see it's counter part here in the Fort Worth area.  It's all family style, with quirky chicken decor, and a true southern menu specializing in fried chicken.  You may have heard of Texas BBQ but did you know Texas also has a million fried chicken places?

The next day was the most exciting when we drove an hour to Waco to see Magnolia Market and the sights of HGTV's Fixer Upper.  It was my second time here and I just love this little place.  The bakery is amazing, it's surrounded by food trucks and has a huge open ground for running and playing with balls and outdoor games provided. The best part of this trip was meeting up with my mom's cousin who she hadn't seen in over 40 years.  She lives a few hours from me here in Texas.  Her dad (my great uncle) also came along and he's one fit and spirited 90 something year old!  I can only hope in stay in good health that long! These two family members were just the nicest and I'm so happy I got to know them better!

On Saturday, my baby girl turned 2 and that was the real reason for mom's visit! We threw an adorable Minnie Mouse birthday party with the help of these cookies from The Frosted Pearl bakery! 

Other highlights of mom's trip included pedicures, tacos and a visit to the Fort Worth Water Gardens.

Our final day was spent in my favorite place, so far, in all of Fort Worth, Sundance Square.  It's a beautiful square in the downtown lined with shops and restaurants with a large fountain show in the middle.  I'm still a city girl and sometimes I feel like I'm living in the country, even though it's more suburban than country in my neighborhood.  The country life is just so close!  But the city is also just 20 minutes away thankfully and worth going to every time!  Little known fact, Fort Worth has an incredibly clean downtown.  I don't know how they do it but it's noticeably different than other city's downtown Jesus or I have seen.  It's a beautiful city landscape, more modern than the country, but still has enough people wearing their boots and cowboy hats. It's like a perfect Texas mix and I love coming here!

Thanks for visiting us mom, and we can't wait to have you back!  But maybe I'll beat you by getting back to Minnesota first! 

Pregnancy number three, over halfway there!

Hey everyone! Guess who's back? Back again...I've really fallen out of blogging lately and I miss it so!

What better way to jump back in than with a little pregnancy update! We are expecting baby number three right around Thanksgiving! All I really want, besides a new baby to love on, is to sit in the hospital and have people bring me pumpkin pie. I've learned there's two kinds of women in this world. Those who want to get out of the hospital and back to the comfort of their own home asap and those who want to take advantage of a three day c-section hospital stay and not be bothered. I've learned that I'm the latter. Last time I had a baby, I asked to leave the hospital a day early and they let me! I got to save the money for that extra day and go home but looking back I regret every minute of it. Please let me stay this time and have some alone time before returning to the chaos of three lovely children!

So how am I doing? Well let's start by saying I've kept ten pounds after each baby so I didn't start this pregnancy in the best shape of my life and I'm 34...soooo...that comes with its' challenges. But it's not that bad! I'm not experiencing anything out of the ordinary and lately I've been feeling good! The first trimester kept me nauseous and bloated quite a bit to the point that I felt like I looked pregnant at 5 weeks! Now I've rounded out a bit to look like an actual pregnancy belly, thank heavens, but I sure have grown bigger faster this pregnancy compared to the others! I've also had round ligament pain for the first time so I guess that means I'm lucky for not having it with the other two. One my least favorite symptoms is the varicose veins on the back of my right knee; they are getting so ugly and I can feel them from time to time too. Maybe I should get them removed...

Oooh cravings, I can't forget to talk about that! Not pregnant, I always order the weirdest thing on the menu and it drives my husband crazy because sometimes I end up liking his normal food more than mine but I still have to experience the unique flavors of my pick! So with pregnancies, I was really hoping for some good cravings. I thought I would most definitely be the "pickles and ice cream" kind of girl. But nope, all I wanted to eat the first two pregnancies was mashed potatoes and French fries. How boring! This pregnancy up'd things up a notch. Now I only want pizza! So much pizza and even red sauce! I'm not a fan of marinara, I'm typically for alfredo but not with this baby, bring on the marinara, cheese and sausage! My most favorite pizza, pregnant or not, is sausage and green olives. By now in the pregnancy, 22 weeks tomorrow, my cravings have subsided. Until today! I got quite nauseous out of nowhere this afternoon, opened my dominoes app and ordered their pan pizza! I felt so crazy because I never order pizza during the day for just myself! I did decide to try a garlic white sauce though and it was slightly disappointing.

One exciting symptom I have is I can feel the baby move! I felt him or her as early as 16 weeks and I couldn't believe it. Now I feel the baby move almost every night and it still surprises me! I've never felt a baby move like this before. My placenta has always been in the front and this is the first of three that it's been in the back so the baby's kicks are finally in front!

One of my biggest worries this pregnancy is of course the delivery. If you know me well, you know that c-sections are quite the trial for me because I just don't tolerate much medication. With Joaquin, I was so nauseous the ENTIRE day after having him that I couldn't even open my mouth to speak without needing the barf bag. For that same reason, I couldn't even hold him. With Khalessi, they over compensated for my nausea problem and gave me so many meds that my heart rate reached 234 or higher, the nurses came running to my side while paging the doc, and I sat in recovery for five hours trying to get my body to stop shaking and for everything to stabilize...again without being able to hold my new baby. In fact, my husband didn't even know what was going on or why it was taking me so long to get to him and the baby! You better believe I spoke to my doctor about this at my first appointment and she was so understanding. She is going to monitor what drugs they use very closely and try to balance out the nausea medication so it's not too little but not too much. She also said she puts the baby on me for skin on skin right when it's born in the operating room. The recovery room is the same room as where I will stay with my new baby and husband so maybe they can finally be with me if I go through terrible sickness or life threatening heart rates again. Obviously the doctors have to do what they have to do to keep me and the baby safe but I'm hopeful after talking to my doctor that she is going to try and make this the best experience possible for me! On the bright side, I've always recovered fairly quickly from the c section pain, etc after getting out of the hospital so hopefully that all stays the same.

I'm also a little nervous going from two to three kids because I hear that's the hardest transition. But mostly because lately I've been under quite a bit of stress and dealing with some unexplained anxiety. I've battled anxiety and even panic attacks over the last few years and never really had the courage to blog about it but I wanted to share something I've learned about motherhood in relationship to that. We all know that motherhood is beautiful and I have so much to look forward to with another child but I've also learned that it's hard! I used to not get stressed very easily (until I started dealing with my anxiety). I remember being in grad school and my friends always complaining about their projects and the work load and I too was busy but didn't feel that same sense of stress. I had a similar experience having babies. People always say motherhood isn't for the weak or for the faint of heart and while I understood, I didn't at the same time, and I finally figured out why! I used to think motherhood was kind of easy and I don't mean that in a big headed way; let me explain. Every time I've had a baby, I've been in other extremely high stress situations that took precedence over motherhood. We moved to Dominican Republic with my first newborn baby and I didn't speak the language or know anyone and had a lot of trials including figuring out how to live in a foreign country so figuring out how to mother just became necessity and not what I was focused on. My second baby was born while living at my moms' in Minnesota. While I lived there I was helping her with so many financial and other matters that that too distracted me from my motherhood. Then we moved to Texas when my baby was just three months old and I went back to work full time. As soon as I quit to be a stay at home mom, my in-laws moved into my small apartment. I felt like motherhood had to be easy because I always had something bigger consuming my worries. Well until now. Since moving to Fort Worth, I have had the opportunity to live in my own house again with just my spouse and children and really figure out our own family dynamic without anyone else. It honestly feels like the first time I have ever been a stay at home mom in my own house the way I always imagined it. But it hasn't been all roses! I have a four year old and almost two year old and I have been so exhausted! I pray it's the pregnancy causing that. I find myself yelling, I find myself wanting to veg out and I've learned that motherhood is hard just on its' own without needing any other big stressors! I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense but I just have more empathy for other mothers now and I see how stressful it can be on its own, which is what's making me nervous for baby number three. But with that said, I'm more excited than nervous and can't wait to have three babies hugging me instead of two!

Bye Bye Dallas and Hello Fort Worth!

Anyone that follows my blog or follows my life knows where we've been the last few years! Shortly after getting married in 2011, we bought a brand new home, had our first baby, then started traveling around and haven't lived in our house since!

First, we traveled to Dominican Republic and lived the high life in a 3000 sq. foot fancy apartment that I'll probably never live in anything that compares again.  While the apartment was beautiful, living in a foreign country and struggling with the language and culture brought other challenges.

The next year, upon a surprise dilemma with my husband's US residency, we were forced to return to the US a little earlier than planned. Since our house we owned was already under a lease with our renters, we moved in with my mom in Minnesota until we could decide on our next move.  Mom has a lovely townhouse. We took over her basement with our son and had our second child while living there.  While she had lots of space and it was a mutually benefiting situaion,  we still lived at mom's and I don't need to explain the challenges that come with that.

The next year, we decided to move somewhere we could ditch the Minnesota winters.  Texas has warmer weather, no state taxes and more home for your buck compared to many other states.  We are fairly city people so we ended up in Dallas, which is a big city with the benefits of Texas I just stated.  Because we moved on a whim and for a new adventure, we chose a little apartment from apartments.com and got a two bedroom place.  While the living quarters aren't much, our location in the city is fantastic.  There's other kids in the apartment that play in the courtyard all the time, lots of people who speak Spanish, which is a bonus for our family, and there's so many good restaurants around.  I can't even!  While living here, we moved my in laws in for three and a half months while my mother in law has been struggling with her health. It was good to be able to help for a while but there were 6 people in a two bedroom.

Well guess what's happening now?! We are finally buying a house again!  Our house in Minnesota is on the market and we've already chosen one here in Texas. Except it's bye bye Dallas and hello Fort Worth!  As we were driving to our new house last week, there was a whole lot of country and some weird looking animals like llamas, cows with ginormous heads and something we didn't even recognize...maybe a mule?!  Once we arrived however, I was back in suburbia in a fairly new development of homes with all the necessary amenities around.  Our community even has a pool and a playground.  I also found out we are just 15 minutes from downtown Fort Worth which makes a city girl like myself feel a lot better!

I've been reading up on Fort Worth and have only heard good things about how great it is for families.  There's a huge shopping and dining square in the city, it's home of the stockyards for a true cowboy experience, it has one of the best zoos in the nation and I'm sure BBQ as good or better than what we've found here in Dallas. It is smaller than Dallas and I've heard has a slower pace of living. I don't really know what that means yet to know if that's positive or negative but I'm not worried. Fort Worth is just under an hour from Dallas and closer to my husband's work in Arlington.  Arlington is home to the Cowboys and Rangers stadiums and Six Flags where we have season passes. Can you tell I'm getting excited?  Oh and our home is new construction so that helps too because we are not fixer uppers!

I'm really excited to have a home of our own again.  We have a fairly new family and two young kids and hope to have at least one more. We've done the travel thing, we've done the city thing and I'm not saying we're stopping all of that, I'm just saying we need a house. We need space and we need to embrace this phase of our little family life.  We've been patient, don't you think? I'm so excited! So keep your eyes peeled for more adventures on the blog as the move approaches!

Construction phase!

Testimony

I was asked to speak in front of the congregation at church today and I wanted to share my words in my blog.

My testimony has been weighing on my mind and here is what I wrote.

Testimony

What is it, how do we get it and how do we keep it?

What is it?

Definition: THE LDS website defines testimony as “a spiritual witness given by the Holy Ghost.”

Bonnie L. Oscarson gave a talk and stated three points that should be essential to our testimonies.

First, we need to acknowledge the centrality of God our Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, to our faith and salvation. Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer.

Second, we need to understand the need for the restoration of the doctrine, organization, and keys of authority in these latter days.

And third, we need to study and understand temple ordinances and covenants. The temple holds a place at the very center of our most sacred beliefs, and the Lord asks that we attend, ponder, study, and find personal meaning and application individually.

I think those three things being a belief in Christ, a belief in the restoration and a belief in the temple and its’ power are great places to start building a testimony.

Now the best way to really learn about our testimonies is to ponder our own testimony and quietly reflect on our beliefs personally.  So since I have about 15 minutes to speak, I’m going to sit down and give you the 15 minutes to quietly ponder your own testimony…(This was my joke where I actually sat back down to make people think I was serious and then I got back up and proceeded with my talk. I’m a dork!)

How do we get a testimony?

We can gain our testimony the same way the Prophet Joseph Smith gained his.  By following the scripture in James 1:5

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

Moroni 10:4-5 in the book of Mormon also tells us how to get a testimony.

And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

 5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

Once we’ve studied and searched, we need to ponder and pray and invite the Spirit to testify of truth to us.  I testify that the Holy Ghost will indeed do this.

And now what I think personally is the hardest part, How do we keep our testimony?

Let me explain:

This past year brought many challenges and a lot of stress in my life. Without going into detail, there were deaths, family members falling ill. Difficult financial surpirses, and the trials that come with helping our parents with their lives as they age and need financial or medical advice, etc etc with each new trial happening just days or weeks apart one after the other causing me a lot of anxiety.  All of these things even put a strain on our marriage just in the way that when so many hard things happen right after the next, it’s easy to feel a little tension in the home.  All of the physical, emotional and mental stress caused my spirituality and even testimony, to take a hit. 

I think we all have spiritual gifts whether it’s the gift of faith, or a belief in the power of prayer, we have gifts that guide us and help us to be stronger spiritually.  I’ve often felt blessed that my gift was to feel the Lord’s hand in my life.  I’ve chosen to take several leaps of faith whether it was declining a dream job for something better or moving out of the country when I was a brand new mom. No matter the circumstance, I’ve always known that the Lord had a plan for me.  That I needed to do his will because he knew better than I and this included doing things that were hard. 

But this past year, I did not feel that the things that were happening in my life were the Lord’s plan. I was angry.  I had several weeks where I didn’t want to go to church and sometimes I didn’t.  I finally decided I needed some Priesthood intervention and I had a little chat with the Bishop.  He assured me that we all go through spiritual highs and lows in our life and I was just at a point that I recognized to be lower and that was a normal part of life. 

But the question is how did I get out?   How did I hang on to my testimony so that I didn’t push the Spirit further away than I already had?

Gordon B. Hinckley reminded us that every convert to the church needs three things: a friend, a responsibility, and nurturing with “the good word of God.”  This does not just apply to new converts.  This applies to all of us and this applied to me when I felt my spirituality and my testimony weaken.

 All I can say is thank heavens I had those three things in my life.  I am grateful for my calling in the Primary because not only did it force me to come to church to teach my class but I got to study the Book of Mormon and teach some of the most basic and precious truths of the gospel to the 9 and 10 year olds.  Everything I taught were things I needed to re-learn.  And their testimonies impressed me and strengthened my own.  There were times I could feel the Spirit in our class and I could tell that my students felt it with me and that truly helped me hang on to my testimony. 

I’m also grateful for the friends I’ve made in the ward that invited me out or sent me a text when they knew I was going through a lot. I needed all those times and they didn’t even know the extent of my trials.  They were just being good friends.

Another great way to keep our testimonies strong is to not forget.  Don’t forget where you’ve been and what the Lord has brought you through and done for you before.  Maybe that means keeping a journal to look back on those times.  Do whatever you need to do to remember who you are and to see that the Lord’s hand has always been and more importantly will continue to be, in your life.

Helaman 5:12 “And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall

Elder Ronald A. Rasband gave a talk in Octobers last conference titled Lest Thou Forget:

He said: “Recall, especially in times of crisis, when you felt the Spirit and your testimony was strong; remember the spiritual foundations you have built. I promise that if you will do this, avoiding things that do not build and strengthen your testimony or that mock your beliefs, those precious times when your testimony prospered will return again to your memory through humble prayer and fasting. I assure you that you will once again feel the safety and warmth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”

Elder Rasband also shared other ways to keep our testimonies strong. He reminded us to ponder the scriptures and remember the thoughts and feelings we get as we read them, attend church meetings, partake of the sacrament and reach out to others in Christlike service. These things will all bring us closer to the Savior and help us to keep our testimony strong.

Elder Ballard gave a talk last conference titled “to whom shall we go?” He seemed to be referring to those who are debating leaving the church or who have left or who are just struggling in their faith.  I think this quote applies if our testimony is struggling as well.

“In the end, each one of us must respond to the Savior’s question: “Will ye also go away?”⁹ We all have to search for our own answer to that question. For some, the answer is easy; for others, it is difficult. I don’t pretend to know why faith to believe comes easier for some than for others. I’m just so grateful to know that the answers are always there, and if we seek them—really seek with real intent and with full purpose of a prayerful heart—we will eventually find the answers to our questions as we continue on the gospel path. In my ministry, I have known those who have drifted and returned after their trial of faith.”

I like that reminder that it’s ok to even have questions in our testimony but the answers are there as we continue on the gospel path.  The Lord doesn’t want us to be confused, he wants us to know that he loves us and has a plan for us and that holding onto our testimonies will lead us back to him.

I believe that and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

New Years Resolutions 2017

Our New Jag has documented many things this past year. Moving to Texas, going back to work full time, returning to be a stay at home mom, and having a second child were all big and exciting changes the past year and a half.  But behind the scenes were trials of death of loved ones, illnesses, finances and relationships.  This was just one of those years where my trials kept coming right after the next with no time to breathe in between.  Many times I felt anxiety, anger and panic as I tried to keep my head above water.  The blog took a hit with my writer's block because I haven't figured out how to share those feelings just yet but I've also decided that that's ok. 

My friend once told me that whenever you have a string of rough things happen, it means something really good is going to happen.  That was hard to believe but it gave me hope and we have recently been recognizing and receiving some great blessings to kick off the new year.   

So on to my New Years Resolutions.  When I finally caught a minute to breathe this past year, I started focusing on my job as a mother.  Being a mom is the most important thing to me and I felt it being neglected. I didn't feel like I was able to be the kind of mom I wanted to be.  My own struggles really distracted me from my priorities.  Once I got a grip, I made the goal of "feeling put together."  Feeling put together looks different for everyone. We all see different moms at the mall or the park and think they are the ones who "look" put together.  I had to decide what this looked like for me. Being emotionally, mentally and spiritually drained put a toll on my physical body.  I was tired all of the time, cranky in the mornings (and evenings) and really struggled to feel like myself.  But now that I am feeling like myself again, I decided that for me, feeling put together starts with my appearance.  I need to get dressed each day and not in yoga pants.  Don't get me wrong, I love some good athleisure and still wear leggings all of the time but I want to look nice enough to go out, even if I'm not going out.  Doing that gives me much more motivation for the day.  I've also been wearing makeup more often.  Ya'll know I love playing with makeup but doing a full face everyday isn't realistic for my lifestyle.  I can however whip on some blush, mascara and eyebrows in minutes and it too helps me feel put together.  

I also started focusing on my kid's schedule a little bit more.  I've never been rigid with this one, but it makes a significant difference for me when I stay in my routine.  "They" say it makes a difference for small children too but like I said,  since I've never been rigid about schedules, I'm not going to engage in that discussion. ;)  

I've also started focusing on including one thing per day that makes me feel like a "good mom."  I know I'm a good mom but I fall into the trap of always thinking I could do more.  My kids are not practicing writing and math and artwork every single day but when I do just one thing like that each day, it makes me feel more put together.  This doesn't have to be an organized thing.  Maybe I'll try a new recipe, make my pre-schooler trace his letters or pull out the puzzles that I hate but are good for the kids.  Just anything that makes me feel like I'm being a "good mom."  

So this is my goal for the new year, to continue what I've started.  I am going to "feel put together" most days and embrace being a mother.  

And just for fun, I have a second resolution.  That's skin care.  I've developed crows feet and I blame it on 2016! How can I be so into makeup and not know enough about skin care?  That's going to change!  My husband bought me the new skin care line from IT Cosmetics for Christmas so I'm going to start with that and see what kind of results I get.  

So as we all reflect on the good and the bad this past year and get ready for what 2017 will bring, let's remember what the late President James E. Faust of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints once said: "A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness."