Testimony

I was asked to speak in front of the congregation at church today and I wanted to share my words in my blog.

My testimony has been weighing on my mind and here is what I wrote.

Testimony

What is it, how do we get it and how do we keep it?

What is it?

Definition: THE LDS website defines testimony as “a spiritual witness given by the Holy Ghost.”

Bonnie L. Oscarson gave a talk and stated three points that should be essential to our testimonies.

First, we need to acknowledge the centrality of God our Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, to our faith and salvation. Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer.

Second, we need to understand the need for the restoration of the doctrine, organization, and keys of authority in these latter days.

And third, we need to study and understand temple ordinances and covenants. The temple holds a place at the very center of our most sacred beliefs, and the Lord asks that we attend, ponder, study, and find personal meaning and application individually.

I think those three things being a belief in Christ, a belief in the restoration and a belief in the temple and its’ power are great places to start building a testimony.

Now the best way to really learn about our testimonies is to ponder our own testimony and quietly reflect on our beliefs personally.  So since I have about 15 minutes to speak, I’m going to sit down and give you the 15 minutes to quietly ponder your own testimony…(This was my joke where I actually sat back down to make people think I was serious and then I got back up and proceeded with my talk. I’m a dork!)

How do we get a testimony?

We can gain our testimony the same way the Prophet Joseph Smith gained his.  By following the scripture in James 1:5

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

Moroni 10:4-5 in the book of Mormon also tells us how to get a testimony.

And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

 5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

Once we’ve studied and searched, we need to ponder and pray and invite the Spirit to testify of truth to us.  I testify that the Holy Ghost will indeed do this.

And now what I think personally is the hardest part, How do we keep our testimony?

Let me explain:

This past year brought many challenges and a lot of stress in my life. Without going into detail, there were deaths, family members falling ill. Difficult financial surpirses, and the trials that come with helping our parents with their lives as they age and need financial or medical advice, etc etc with each new trial happening just days or weeks apart one after the other causing me a lot of anxiety.  All of these things even put a strain on our marriage just in the way that when so many hard things happen right after the next, it’s easy to feel a little tension in the home.  All of the physical, emotional and mental stress caused my spirituality and even testimony, to take a hit. 

I think we all have spiritual gifts whether it’s the gift of faith, or a belief in the power of prayer, we have gifts that guide us and help us to be stronger spiritually.  I’ve often felt blessed that my gift was to feel the Lord’s hand in my life.  I’ve chosen to take several leaps of faith whether it was declining a dream job for something better or moving out of the country when I was a brand new mom. No matter the circumstance, I’ve always known that the Lord had a plan for me.  That I needed to do his will because he knew better than I and this included doing things that were hard. 

But this past year, I did not feel that the things that were happening in my life were the Lord’s plan. I was angry.  I had several weeks where I didn’t want to go to church and sometimes I didn’t.  I finally decided I needed some Priesthood intervention and I had a little chat with the Bishop.  He assured me that we all go through spiritual highs and lows in our life and I was just at a point that I recognized to be lower and that was a normal part of life. 

But the question is how did I get out?   How did I hang on to my testimony so that I didn’t push the Spirit further away than I already had?

Gordon B. Hinckley reminded us that every convert to the church needs three things: a friend, a responsibility, and nurturing with “the good word of God.”  This does not just apply to new converts.  This applies to all of us and this applied to me when I felt my spirituality and my testimony weaken.

 All I can say is thank heavens I had those three things in my life.  I am grateful for my calling in the Primary because not only did it force me to come to church to teach my class but I got to study the Book of Mormon and teach some of the most basic and precious truths of the gospel to the 9 and 10 year olds.  Everything I taught were things I needed to re-learn.  And their testimonies impressed me and strengthened my own.  There were times I could feel the Spirit in our class and I could tell that my students felt it with me and that truly helped me hang on to my testimony. 

I’m also grateful for the friends I’ve made in the ward that invited me out or sent me a text when they knew I was going through a lot. I needed all those times and they didn’t even know the extent of my trials.  They were just being good friends.

Another great way to keep our testimonies strong is to not forget.  Don’t forget where you’ve been and what the Lord has brought you through and done for you before.  Maybe that means keeping a journal to look back on those times.  Do whatever you need to do to remember who you are and to see that the Lord’s hand has always been and more importantly will continue to be, in your life.

Helaman 5:12 “And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall

Elder Ronald A. Rasband gave a talk in Octobers last conference titled Lest Thou Forget:

He said: “Recall, especially in times of crisis, when you felt the Spirit and your testimony was strong; remember the spiritual foundations you have built. I promise that if you will do this, avoiding things that do not build and strengthen your testimony or that mock your beliefs, those precious times when your testimony prospered will return again to your memory through humble prayer and fasting. I assure you that you will once again feel the safety and warmth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”

Elder Rasband also shared other ways to keep our testimonies strong. He reminded us to ponder the scriptures and remember the thoughts and feelings we get as we read them, attend church meetings, partake of the sacrament and reach out to others in Christlike service. These things will all bring us closer to the Savior and help us to keep our testimony strong.

Elder Ballard gave a talk last conference titled “to whom shall we go?” He seemed to be referring to those who are debating leaving the church or who have left or who are just struggling in their faith.  I think this quote applies if our testimony is struggling as well.

“In the end, each one of us must respond to the Savior’s question: “Will ye also go away?”⁹ We all have to search for our own answer to that question. For some, the answer is easy; for others, it is difficult. I don’t pretend to know why faith to believe comes easier for some than for others. I’m just so grateful to know that the answers are always there, and if we seek them—really seek with real intent and with full purpose of a prayerful heart—we will eventually find the answers to our questions as we continue on the gospel path. In my ministry, I have known those who have drifted and returned after their trial of faith.”

I like that reminder that it’s ok to even have questions in our testimony but the answers are there as we continue on the gospel path.  The Lord doesn’t want us to be confused, he wants us to know that he loves us and has a plan for us and that holding onto our testimonies will lead us back to him.

I believe that and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

New Years Resolutions 2017

Our New Jag has documented many things this past year. Moving to Texas, going back to work full time, returning to be a stay at home mom, and having a second child were all big and exciting changes the past year and a half.  But behind the scenes were trials of death of loved ones, illnesses, finances and relationships.  This was just one of those years where my trials kept coming right after the next with no time to breathe in between.  Many times I felt anxiety, anger and panic as I tried to keep my head above water.  The blog took a hit with my writer's block because I haven't figured out how to share those feelings just yet but I've also decided that that's ok. 

My friend once told me that whenever you have a string of rough things happen, it means something really good is going to happen.  That was hard to believe but it gave me hope and we have recently been recognizing and receiving some great blessings to kick off the new year.   

So on to my New Years Resolutions.  When I finally caught a minute to breathe this past year, I started focusing on my job as a mother.  Being a mom is the most important thing to me and I felt it being neglected. I didn't feel like I was able to be the kind of mom I wanted to be.  My own struggles really distracted me from my priorities.  Once I got a grip, I made the goal of "feeling put together."  Feeling put together looks different for everyone. We all see different moms at the mall or the park and think they are the ones who "look" put together.  I had to decide what this looked like for me. Being emotionally, mentally and spiritually drained put a toll on my physical body.  I was tired all of the time, cranky in the mornings (and evenings) and really struggled to feel like myself.  But now that I am feeling like myself again, I decided that for me, feeling put together starts with my appearance.  I need to get dressed each day and not in yoga pants.  Don't get me wrong, I love some good athleisure and still wear leggings all of the time but I want to look nice enough to go out, even if I'm not going out.  Doing that gives me much more motivation for the day.  I've also been wearing makeup more often.  Ya'll know I love playing with makeup but doing a full face everyday isn't realistic for my lifestyle.  I can however whip on some blush, mascara and eyebrows in minutes and it too helps me feel put together.  

I also started focusing on my kid's schedule a little bit more.  I've never been rigid with this one, but it makes a significant difference for me when I stay in my routine.  "They" say it makes a difference for small children too but like I said,  since I've never been rigid about schedules, I'm not going to engage in that discussion. ;)  

I've also started focusing on including one thing per day that makes me feel like a "good mom."  I know I'm a good mom but I fall into the trap of always thinking I could do more.  My kids are not practicing writing and math and artwork every single day but when I do just one thing like that each day, it makes me feel more put together.  This doesn't have to be an organized thing.  Maybe I'll try a new recipe, make my pre-schooler trace his letters or pull out the puzzles that I hate but are good for the kids.  Just anything that makes me feel like I'm being a "good mom."  

So this is my goal for the new year, to continue what I've started.  I am going to "feel put together" most days and embrace being a mother.  

And just for fun, I have a second resolution.  That's skin care.  I've developed crows feet and I blame it on 2016! How can I be so into makeup and not know enough about skin care?  That's going to change!  My husband bought me the new skin care line from IT Cosmetics for Christmas so I'm going to start with that and see what kind of results I get.  

So as we all reflect on the good and the bad this past year and get ready for what 2017 will bring, let's remember what the late President James E. Faust of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints once said: "A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness."

  

Happy 4th Birthday Joaquin!

Before we get into my FOUR year old's annual birthday poem, here are some pics from his party.  He and his friend Kenton, share the same birthday and are the same age!  So today we shared a party by having breakfast in the park. We had hot chocolate, fancy donuts and embraced the playground!

Hot cocoa

Donuts

Friends!

Birthday boys with birthday cake donuts!

Birthday boys' little sisters

Family

And now his poem, written by his "loving mommy."

Joaquin y sus Travesuras

I have never felt more loved than I feel by you.

Sometimes at night, when you’re scared of the dark

I’ll lay by your side until you fall asleep.

You offer me your pillow, your hand and you rub my arm until I’m sleepy too.

It’s the sweetest thing you could possibly do.

Your intelligence is something I’m proud of.

How you follow books with your finger and can count to 100…

Stop.

This is getting way too sentimental for the year we really had!

Let’s talk about year three, shall we?

“Terrible twos” is a lie.

Three was my hardest year as a parent yet

And it’s not because it was my first year with two kids.

It’s because you were three, three years old!

Why Joaquin why?

Why do you think now, as you approach 4, is the appropriate time to start throwing tantrums?  

Not once as a little toddler did you fall to the ground in a public place, flailing your arms around and crying.

But now? 

Now as you’re almost four years old, you think it’s ok to have a meltdown because I buttoned your jeans and you wanted to do it yourself!

I’m not a mind reader!

Oh hey, and speaking of clothes,  can’t you just wear what I want you to wear? 

If I’m telling you to wear shorts, it’s because it’s hot out.  

If I’m telling you to wear pants, it’s because it’s cold. 

Just trust me.

And why is it such a big deal if I want to make a left turn and you want to make a right when we are walking the dog?  

It’s a big enough deal that makes you stop in your tracks and scream at me!

 

Why do you scream at everything?  

You scream when you play,

you scream when you sing,

you scream when you’re mad,

you just scream all day!

Hey, are you hungry?  

Do you want eggs?  

I better not overcook them because you’ll stop eating if they have any crispiness on them.  

How about a sandwich? 

Ham? 

Cheese? 

PB&J?  

Nope, just butter, a butter sandwich is all you ever want. 

For the most part, you and your sister play nice but I see you push her, I see you!

And when you share a bath and it’s time to get out, 

just let me dry her off first without getting upset; 

she’s still a baby!

Remember that one time you ran onto the court and then refused to get off and made me chase you down during mommy’s volleyball game? 

That was cute and by cute, 

I mean embarrassing.

“Nooooooo!” 

When I try to think of more examples of your behavior to share with you, my mind just replays you saying this lovely word over 

and over 

and over…

Why was year three so hard?!  

I don’t care about your power struggle and your need for independence!  

I am your mother and you will listen to me! 

Wait…I realize what I just said doesn’t mean anything to you.

Year four has got to be better,  

Sure, I wish you could stay little and in my arms forever 

but I don’t wish you would stay three.  

Please grow up at age four,
just a little,
just a little for your mommy.

Happy 4th Birthday Joaquin!
Really, let's have a happy fourth year!

Khaleesi's 1st Birthday Poem

I could have sworn I already wrote a blog post for my sweet little baby turning one and included some pictures of her birthday and smash cake, etc. but I can't find it anywhere!  What I do know is I never wrote her birthday poem.  I made a commitment to myself to write a birthday poem for my children each year and then give them their book of poems on their 18th birthday.  I did this for three years so far with Joaquin.  KJ turned one, three months ago now, and I still haven't written her poem. I've been having a major blog writer's block the last few months while real, adult, difficult life has been happening so maybe that's why.  But I know that this girl deserves every bit of a poem I can muster!  She is a ray of sunshine and cuddles and sweetness that I can't live without. I need her and I love seeing her brother need her as they grow older and closer.  I guess I have two toddlers now (wait, I have a toddler and a pre-schooler?!) and no more a baby!

Here is her poem.  For you, Khaleesi.

My first born child stole my heart

and I prayed you’d take an equal part

It’s been one year and you are mine

You do have my heart, for all of time.

I love your smile and infectious laugh

Your happiness like a contagious blast.

Thanks for being such an easy baby

Cuddling you puts me in a trance, so hazy.

You love walking Biscuit on his leash

And you love eating blueberries for your feast.

The Spanish you’re learning impresses me so

How you follow simple directions,

"Traemelo tus zapatos."

You began to walk just before turning one

And now you run with your brother,

And have too much fun!

The hair on your head is slow to grow

But you’re still the most beautiful toddler I know!

Those chubby cheeks, your little teeth

The way you  scream “mama” and run to me.

I love all the things I learned to do as a mom

To cook for you, bathe you and sing you sweet songs.

I missed you for a time when I went back to teach

But now have no regrets being home,

for its’ you that I need.

Whenever I hold you and people say hi,

you put your head on my shoulder and act so shy.

But I just smile because I’m obsessed

With the way that you snuggle into my chest.

Before having kids, I didn’t do babies

But you are simply the sweetest little lady!

I want to tickle you, play with you, cuddle you…

all the day long.

You’re the cutest little thing

And in my arms, you belong!

Texas Road Trip

This past weekend was my handsome husband's birthday and what better way to celebrate than a little family road trip!  We decided to go to San Antonio because we have season passes to Six Flags that aren't only good in Dallas but can be used all over the country and they just happen to have one in San Antonio!

Our first stop on our trip however was to fulfill a dream of mine, actually a dream of American women all over the country.  We stopped in Waco to see Chip and Joanna Gaine's Magnolia Market from HGTV's "Fixer Upper!"  I cannot even describe how excited I was to be there and to even just see it driving towards it!  I was literally like a kid going to Disney World; my excitement even surprised myself! Since being here in Texas, my husband has told me I better plan a girls trip to go here because he had no interest and then after going, he even wanted to stop again on the way home (although we didn't).   Their bakery was so delicious where we tried an extremely moist and buttery-frosted, strawberry cupcake as well as a huge, dense yet fluffy, cheddar bacon biscuit.  Biscuits are one of my favorite foods (especially since moving to Dallas) so I couldn't resist.  We then spent the majority of our time out in the yard in front of the silos playing in the grass with balls and wooden building blocks along side black and white striped bean bag chairs for lounging.  Oh and I can't forget the wooden swings!  Food trucks sat out back and the Market, oh the market, was full of Joanna's style!  She's a big deal designer now so her stuff ain't cheap but it sure is lovely.  I couldn't bring myself to buy a $28 t-shirt this trip but I'll be back.

We then continued our journey down to San Antonio and my most favorite spot was the River Walk!  I'm a sucker for tourism but this sure was pretty.  Beautiful brick lined the river with stone arch bridges to take you you from one side to the other while the water taxi passed through back and forth.  Along the river walk were hotels, restaurants and shops to keep you busy exploring.  We ate at a cute little steakhouse right on the water where our kids watched the ducks and we took in all the scenery.

The next day, Jesus' cousin and his wife from Houston drove down to meet us and we went to Six Flags!  Our two kids survived a busy day and enjoyed all the rides.  I found out however that I might officially be done with rides I once enjoyed.  My motion sickness has gotten worse and worse over the years and while I can still handle big drops on roller coasters, anything that spins or loopty loops might be out.  I wanted to be brave and thought I could handle just one so I took a spin on the Super Man coaster without checking it out ahead of time.  My husband told me to look and see how it was first but I didn't want to know so I wouldn't chicken out.  It had sooooo many twists and turns and upside downs that I was sick for a good hour after the ride.  I just have to embrace that this is what has happened to my life.  But nonetheless it was still a good day.  We ended the night by finding an awesome Puerto Rican restaurant for dinner. Being married to A Dominican, we have had lots of Dominican and similar Puerto Rican food and this restaurant surprisingly had some of the best!  Mofungo, tostones, pastillitos, yuca, arroz con andoulles, oh my...

Finally on our road trip back home, we stopped at one of Texas's great road trip stops, Buc-ee's.  It's basically a GIANT gas station with all kinds of souvenirs inside from cowboy hats, Texan trinkets, old fashioned candy lining the walls, real Texas BBQ and so much more!  I'm sure every Texan has their favorite thing there but Jesus and I were happy with the salt water taffy and the cinnamon roasted almonds.

Since moving to Texas just 10 months ago, we have seen Dallas, Houston, Galveston, Waco and San Antonio,  Not done exploring yet but not too shabby for getting started!