To Become as Little Children

In that moment, I felt so sad.  I felt like I could do better but knew that I wouldn't always.  I wanted to take it back but I couldn't and now those five little words have been repeated multiple times.  "Mommy, don't yell at me."  Ugh...I'm human, I get mad, I have a two year old running outside the house before I'm dressed, refusing to follow simple directions and not giving me five minutes of peace from the second I wake up to the second I lie down for bed.  But amidst all of that, I can't tell you how much I have learned and will continue to learn from my little boy.  As we sat down at the table for lunch together, I told him I was sorry for yelling.  His reply was, "I'm sorry I made you mad.  I'm sorry I made you yell at me."  This may have hurt more than the five little words in the beginning because I didn't want him to feel sorry for my choice to yell. I tried to explain that he didn't make me yell and it was my fault but there's only so much deep comprehension that can occur at his age.  Don't get me wrong...I know toddlers drive can us to our wits end but this stung.

Joaquin is wise beyond his years. He is so incredibly sweet and has one of the biggest hearts I've ever met.  As we played outside after lunch and drew with chalk, what else did he ask me to draw than hearts of course?!

After chalk was nap time and while he said "No, I don't want to take a nap," he said instead, "I want to cuddle" and grabbed a blanket on the couch to be with me. While he is still learning to follow directions, his heart has always been sweet. He says excuse me, please and thank you and he loves to hug everyone goodbye.  And forgiveness is a whole other issue!  Joaquin forgives me every time I mess up and never stays mad at me.  How does he do it?!  There's a reason the scriptures teach us to become as little children.  Matthew 18:3 "And said, verily I say unto you, except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."  These small children have the qualities of being patient, kind, meek, humble and more.  I saw this a lot teaching kindergartners as a teacher but I see it even more in my own child since I'm with him all day.  I know other parents and guardians of small children are learning all these same things.  I also know one day Joaquin will have to choose to put forth these qualities of love more than he may need to now.  Maybe I was sweet like him as a small child too and now everyday it's like it takes a conscious effort to continually develop all the named qualities.  

I don't know the whole point of this post other than how much it all struck me today and how much I really am learning about patience, love and forgiveness through the eyes and mind of a child, particularly my child. While it's difficult to see myself make mistakes and to learn the hard lessons, I am more grateful I am learning them at all!