With the school year fast approaching and numerous teaching job
posts popping up in my life, I find myself struggling with my decision to be a
stay at home mom (SAHM). I get so excited
thinking about the possibility to interview for a new teaching position and being
able to share my years of experience from teaching inner city to the beautiful
Somali population in Minneapolis, to teaching online, to teaching ESL in the
Dominican Republic. I just want to share
it all and nail an interview or two! You
can barely get an interview in Minnesota without connections and after over 6
years of teaching in the state, I finally have some connections and just want
to use them. I went to school for
another 6 years and got my Masters degree and feel like I want to put it to use
for longer than the 6-7 years I taught.
(I heard a statistic once that most people with a teaching degree don’t
last past 5 years in the field so maybe I shouldn’t complain about my 6-7). Tonight I am feeling nostalgic for my old
life…well, just my old career. With so
many teacher friends returning to work and the back to school sales and job
postings, I can’t help but miss it.
I know that being able to stay at home with Joaquin is such
a blessing and there is so much good I can do. I know that my education will be
useful in teaching my children and it has already proven useful in other areas
of my life. This isn’t to say I won’t go
back ever, I just don’t plan to full time while I have small children. Even when I write that, I question it. Sure it’s great to be a stay at home mom but
I’m sure daycare could also teach Joaquin just fine…not to mention maybe he
wouldn’t have the separation anxiety, or whatever it’s called, that he’s facing
right now. I could say that my teacher
salary wouldn’t cover the cost of daycare but it would, maybe not for multiple
children but at this point there are not multiple children. That’s another thing; sometimes I feel like a
mom with more than 1 kid is more justified to be a stay at home mom than me and
thinking that too is terrible because I know that’s not true.
It’s 1:30am and I can’t sleep. I have this rant going through my mind and I need
to get it out in a public forum so you can help me. I need help remembering why it is good to be
a stay at home mom even for one small, one and a half year old boy. There’s
even this guilt I feel asking for that help because deep down I know I am lucky
to have such an important calling to be a mother and I know of the significance
I can do. But sometimes, like tonight, I
need help remembering. Maybe you can
share with me some great talk or quotes on motherhood or maybe you can tell me
my feelings are justified or that you have felt something similar. As much as I miss my career, I just can’t
trade it for being able to be home with Joaquin. If I could, I think I would have done it by
now but this stay at home mom thing has me wrapped around its' little
finger. Thank you for your thoughts.
https://www.lds.org/prophets-and-apostles/unto-all-the-world/the-eternal-role-of-mothers?lang=eng
ReplyDeletehttps://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/mothers-who-know?lang=eng
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbYLKVgwztY
Well Oscar it's good you're back from the mission because if you were still in Oregon, you wouldn't have seen this blogpost and been able to bless my life. You came up with three great sources so fast! I love the video and will likely be sharing that with friends soon and it's exactly what I needed.
DeleteI also really like this quote by Elder Ballard: “There is no one perfect way to be a good mother,” he says. “Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children.” Elder Ballard acknowledges that some women are “able to be ‘full-time moms,’ [and that] some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work,” but that “what matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.”
Thank you for reading my blog and giving me some great sources!
No problem. I'm glad it helped if it did.
DeleteLove you! Give baby J a hug for me :)
There is nothing wrong with either option, both working full time and being a stay at home mom has its good points. You're an active person, you've always had variety in your day, done things that fulfill you, and not that being a mother is not one of those things for you, but maybe thats part of what you're feeling. Maybe consider volunteering or tutoring part time. Maybe if you volunteered in the latino community you can keep up your spanish.. just some thoughts.. again being a mother is amazing and thats the most important job anyone could have.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading and replying to my rant. Thank you for valuing my decision to be a stay at home mom and reminding it is the most important job. I love it more than anything in the world but it is something you can't prepare for. I had no idea I would have these internal struggles until they happened but they give me the opportunity to grow I suppose. I really like your idea of volunteering with the latin community so I'm going to see what I can find.! We just have to get a second car...but we will eventually...especially if I find some cool opportunities. Thank you.
DeleteOh, friend you ARE justified in your thoughts and you are not alone! I think every mom faces this struggle in one way or another. I think what might be giving you trouble is that you're feeling like you *should* want one way more than the other. Being on the other side, being one of those people heading back to school, I don't have a lot of reasons that being a SAHM is "better". Because I've had to convince myself that it's not. Isn't that funny that our culture tells us that we need to have one way that's better? You are Joaquin's mom no matter what else you do with your day. If you tutor or volunteer or do something in a classroom (or outside a classroom) part time you might start to fill the void you're feeling that is giving you this sleepless night. It's ok to want something other than what you have, even when you love what you have. It's ok not to love what you have at every moment even if you feel like you should. And it is ok to want more. Even the subtitle of your blog "Reflections of a career girl turned mom"-- you self identify as a career girl and see being a mom as a change to that. You're allowed to feel like both! Maybe I'm reading too deep into it, but I know that I've struggled with my self identity since becoming a mom. We think we have life all figured out and we think we know what changes will come with a baby. But then we have a baby and there's just no way to expect how it affects every part of your life.
ReplyDeleteMoral of my rambling is this: try to focus on a collection of things that make you happy- working a little, staying at home with Joaquin, whatever else- and try not to focus on the labels that seem to come with so much social pressure. ��
Heather I knew you would have some good insight. What I appreciate the most is your validation in the way I feel. My favorite line is this: "It's ok to want something other than what you have, even when you love what you have. It's ok not to love what you have at every moment even if you feel like you should. And it is ok to want more." That's good advice! I am very happy with my decision to be a stay at home mom but I can tell you understand it doesn't mean it's always easy and that I won't miss other things. You're probably right about societal pressures being in the way too! Thanks a bunch!
DeleteI wrote a comment when I was on the ipad and somehow I deleted it! Basically though, you aren't alone and it is perfectly normal to have feelings like that. The two roles (a working mom and a SAHM) are just...different. Which means that different feelings, challenges, triumphs, and thoughts will accompany both. You are a proactive person in both roles, which is such a positive trait to have in order to make the most of life in general. So just know that you are awesome and although it is difficult, you certainly aren't alone :)
ReplyDeleteMy comment deleted too when I used my phone! I'm sorry that happened to you. Thank you for gratifying...justifying...my feelings. I had a feeling you would understand. I know you worked hard on your degree too and whether or not you have had similar thoughts, I knew you'd still "get it." I've gotten so much good feedback about this and am grateful. The links that Oscar put in his comment above are pretty good if you ever start to feel like me...but I am grateful we are able to do what we do!
DeleteYou could probably volunteer at Woodcrest Spanish immersion elementary school that I believe is near to where you live.
ReplyDelete