Hey everyone! Guess who's back? Back again...I've really fallen out of blogging lately and I miss it so!
What better way to jump back in than with a little pregnancy update! We are expecting baby number three right around Thanksgiving! All I really want, besides a new baby to love on, is to sit in the hospital and have people bring me pumpkin pie. I've learned there's two kinds of women in this world. Those who want to get out of the hospital and back to the comfort of their own home asap and those who want to take advantage of a three day c-section hospital stay and not be bothered. I've learned that I'm the latter. Last time I had a baby, I asked to leave the hospital a day early and they let me! I got to save the money for that extra day and go home but looking back I regret every minute of it. Please let me stay this time and have some alone time before returning to the chaos of three lovely children!
So how am I doing? Well let's start by saying I've kept ten pounds after each baby so I didn't start this pregnancy in the best shape of my life and I'm 34...soooo...that comes with its' challenges. But it's not that bad! I'm not experiencing anything out of the ordinary and lately I've been feeling good! The first trimester kept me nauseous and bloated quite a bit to the point that I felt like I looked pregnant at 5 weeks! Now I've rounded out a bit to look like an actual pregnancy belly, thank heavens, but I sure have grown bigger faster this pregnancy compared to the others! I've also had round ligament pain for the first time so I guess that means I'm lucky for not having it with the other two. One my least favorite symptoms is the varicose veins on the back of my right knee; they are getting so ugly and I can feel them from time to time too. Maybe I should get them removed...
Oooh cravings, I can't forget to talk about that! Not pregnant, I always order the weirdest thing on the menu and it drives my husband crazy because sometimes I end up liking his normal food more than mine but I still have to experience the unique flavors of my pick! So with pregnancies, I was really hoping for some good cravings. I thought I would most definitely be the "pickles and ice cream" kind of girl. But nope, all I wanted to eat the first two pregnancies was mashed potatoes and French fries. How boring! This pregnancy up'd things up a notch. Now I only want pizza! So much pizza and even red sauce! I'm not a fan of marinara, I'm typically for alfredo but not with this baby, bring on the marinara, cheese and sausage! My most favorite pizza, pregnant or not, is sausage and green olives. By now in the pregnancy, 22 weeks tomorrow, my cravings have subsided. Until today! I got quite nauseous out of nowhere this afternoon, opened my dominoes app and ordered their pan pizza! I felt so crazy because I never order pizza during the day for just myself! I did decide to try a garlic white sauce though and it was slightly disappointing.
One exciting symptom I have is I can feel the baby move! I felt him or her as early as 16 weeks and I couldn't believe it. Now I feel the baby move almost every night and it still surprises me! I've never felt a baby move like this before. My placenta has always been in the front and this is the first of three that it's been in the back so the baby's kicks are finally in front!
One of my biggest worries this pregnancy is of course the delivery. If you know me well, you know that c-sections are quite the trial for me because I just don't tolerate much medication. With Joaquin, I was so nauseous the ENTIRE day after having him that I couldn't even open my mouth to speak without needing the barf bag. For that same reason, I couldn't even hold him. With Khalessi, they over compensated for my nausea problem and gave me so many meds that my heart rate reached 234 or higher, the nurses came running to my side while paging the doc, and I sat in recovery for five hours trying to get my body to stop shaking and for everything to stabilize...again without being able to hold my new baby. In fact, my husband didn't even know what was going on or why it was taking me so long to get to him and the baby! You better believe I spoke to my doctor about this at my first appointment and she was so understanding. She is going to monitor what drugs they use very closely and try to balance out the nausea medication so it's not too little but not too much. She also said she puts the baby on me for skin on skin right when it's born in the operating room. The recovery room is the same room as where I will stay with my new baby and husband so maybe they can finally be with me if I go through terrible sickness or life threatening heart rates again. Obviously the doctors have to do what they have to do to keep me and the baby safe but I'm hopeful after talking to my doctor that she is going to try and make this the best experience possible for me! On the bright side, I've always recovered fairly quickly from the c section pain, etc after getting out of the hospital so hopefully that all stays the same.
I'm also a little nervous going from two to three kids because I hear that's the hardest transition. But mostly because lately I've been under quite a bit of stress and dealing with some unexplained anxiety. I've battled anxiety and even panic attacks over the last few years and never really had the courage to blog about it but I wanted to share something I've learned about motherhood in relationship to that. We all know that motherhood is beautiful and I have so much to look forward to with another child but I've also learned that it's hard! I used to not get stressed very easily (until I started dealing with my anxiety). I remember being in grad school and my friends always complaining about their projects and the work load and I too was busy but didn't feel that same sense of stress. I had a similar experience having babies. People always say motherhood isn't for the weak or for the faint of heart and while I understood, I didn't at the same time, and I finally figured out why! I used to think motherhood was kind of easy and I don't mean that in a big headed way; let me explain. Every time I've had a baby, I've been in other extremely high stress situations that took precedence over motherhood. We moved to Dominican Republic with my first newborn baby and I didn't speak the language or know anyone and had a lot of trials including figuring out how to live in a foreign country so figuring out how to mother just became necessity and not what I was focused on. My second baby was born while living at my moms' in Minnesota. While I lived there I was helping her with so many financial and other matters that that too distracted me from my motherhood. Then we moved to Texas when my baby was just three months old and I went back to work full time. As soon as I quit to be a stay at home mom, my in-laws moved into my small apartment. I felt like motherhood had to be easy because I always had something bigger consuming my worries. Well until now. Since moving to Fort Worth, I have had the opportunity to live in my own house again with just my spouse and children and really figure out our own family dynamic without anyone else. It honestly feels like the first time I have ever been a stay at home mom in my own house the way I always imagined it. But it hasn't been all roses! I have a four year old and almost two year old and I have been so exhausted! I pray it's the pregnancy causing that. I find myself yelling, I find myself wanting to veg out and I've learned that motherhood is hard just on its' own without needing any other big stressors! I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense but I just have more empathy for other mothers now and I see how stressful it can be on its own, which is what's making me nervous for baby number three. But with that said, I'm more excited than nervous and can't wait to have three babies hugging me instead of two!
